I refuse to comment on the fact that it has been over a year without a post on this blog....

So, I'm guessing that now that I have something to say, I should post it! Here is what I wrote on FB this morning:

I have deleted my FB account once, MySpace account for good, and twitter twice and yet I still can’t decide what I want to do.  How silly am I?

Some days I have serious debates whether to “fight or flight”.  I see the arguing and name-calling in social media and want to run and hide (a.k.a. delete my FB account again and never return).  

 I read the news and it makes me so sad. I tell myself I would be better off if I just cut off all communication with the world and hide under my covers. 

And then….in the middle of my uncertainty and fickleness…. I wake up one morning (specifically this morning) and read verses like Matthew 5 in “The Message” paraphrase that says,

“You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” 

What a kick in the head!  I can’t hide under my covers and hope it will pass.  These past few weeks, months, and years show that it is definitely not going to pass; it is only getting worse.  “So what am I to do?” I ask.  Seriously, I just asked that when I was given a perfectly clear answer in scripture this morning!

Hello...(Knocking on my skull)…. “God is not a secret to be kept….We’re going public….Shine!” 

That sure doesn’t sound like I’ve been given the option to hide under the covers.  I am definitely a conflicted individual right now. I do not LIKE confrontation, but I will stand up in situations where I HAVE to.  So what constitutes a “HAVE to”?   I have always known that I will beat the Hooey out of anyone (or die trying) that laid a hand on my children or my sisters.  I’m kinda protective like that.  But when someone lays a hand on my beliefs/opinions, I shy away. I don’t want to make myself a target. I don’t want to lose a relationship over something that may or may not be trivial. I don’t want to make a fool of myself or get in too deep and not be able to get out unscathed.  One thing you will never see me do is join an argument that I am not confident I know all (or at least most of) the sides and facts.  My biggest fear is looking/sounding like an idiot.  Mind you, I’ve been there and I do not want to go back!  My other fear is becoming a stumbling block to others.  I ask, “Is this issue worth it?”  Daily I struggle with what to do….do I comment on that post? Do I give my opinion?  or is it just that…”my opinion” and not necessarily truth?

Some days I like the idea of everyone just living in tolerance….”let’s just let everyone decide for themselves and in the end we’ll just find out who is right, instead of arguing over it now.  I’ll just live over here, in my own little house, hold on to my own little knowledge of truth and one day everyone will know the truth, too! And I didn’t have to lose any friends, make anyone upset, make myself a target for others to throw insults at, blah blah blah….”

And then I wake up and realize how dumb that sounds!  That is not Truth!  That is not what the followers of The Way did!  They did not quietly stand by, nor hide under their covers, nor back away from opposition. Or at least not every day, I’m sure they had their moments.  

Ack, there it is again….a slap to my brain! 

It is so easy to casually throw around the name of God when it’s not conflict-ridden. “We’ll pray for God’s comfort during this time of crisis”, “God is good, we made it safely home from vacation”, “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food. Amen”.

At what point do we step out of that comfort zone and into one where we may end up a target?

At what point do I lose that sense of security and put it out there for everyone to see?

What constitutes a “Who cares?” answer and what warrants further discussion?

And then I read what well-meaning “Christian folk” put out there and realize that their definition of being a “city on a hill” and “light to the world” doesn’t match my understanding of it.  I just can’t comprehend how being disrespectful, catty, filthy-mouthed, ugly, discourteous and belligerent will accomplish anything. 

There is truth out there to be found, the one and only Truth.  We are to point others to it. But the confusion lies in the fact that those that are of this world, will have no comprehension of the truth.  Without Christ, it will make no sense to them.   We have a responsibility to not only point them to the truth with our own actions, words and lives but to also pray for them as they reach that Truth through Jesus and in the process also realize that until they reach that Truth to them we will sound crazy!

My ultimate question is what is that supposed to look like in 2012?   Here I am posting for everyone to see (and probably comment on) my personal struggle.  Will it encourage someone? Will it infuriate someone? Who knows? Well….God knows! 

I haven’t finished my internal warfare yet, and I’m sure that will be a battle by battle crusade until it is completely finished the day I leave this earth.  But I did feel the need to write this all down. Maybe for posterity sake, maybe to look at later and laugh, maybe it was something you needed today….

I did find one thought to leave you with, though.  The last kick in my head for this morning….

2 Timothy 4

1-2 I can't impress this on you too strongly. God is looking over your shoulder. Christ himself is the Judge, with the final say on everyone, living and dead. He is about to break into the open with his rule, so proclaim the Message with intensity; keep on your watch. Challenge, warn, and urge your people. Don't ever quit. Just keep it simple.

3-5 You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant.

Failure

Failure

noun- nonperformance of something due, required, or expected: 

a failure to do what one has promised

Do you ever have that feeling? No? Just me, then….

Well, ever since I became a stay at home mom I have those days where I feel like I’ve failed at everything I tried that day. I have a dishwasher half full of dishes, the wet clothes in washer have been there two days, the boys are still in their pajamas at 2pm, every toy that we own is strewn across the house, I haven’t taken a shower in over 24 hours, and a million other things.  When I taught school I had days when I knew that I didn’t do my best, but for the most part I felt like I was a pretty decent teacher and was good at my job.  I think most of my problem starts with the fact that I see the jobs of mom and housekeeper as pretty simple and anyone can do them.  So when I fail at that, it makes it worse.  Fact is, it’s a pretty tough job to do on a daily basis and not just anyone can do it…case in point. 

Most of the time my malaise is cured by a rousing game of hide and seek, or a sticky handed little boy saying, “I luv lu, mommy!”  I couldn’t be a stay at home mom without them…because then who would I blame for all the toys being on the floor? 

One day...

One day when Heaven was filled with His praises
One day when sin was as black as could be
Jesus came forth to be born of a virgin
Dwelt among men, my example is He
Word became flesh and the light shined among us
His glory revealed

One day they led Him up Calvary’s mountain
One day they nailed Him to die on a tree
Suffering anguish, despised and rejected
Bearing our sins, my Redeemer is He
Hands that healed nations, stretched out on a tree
He took the nails for me!

One day the grave could conceal Him no longer
One day the stone rolled away from the door
Then He arose, over death He had conquered
Now is ascended, my Lord evermore
Death could not hold Him, the grave could not keep Him
From rising again

One day the trumpet will sound for His coming
One day the skies with His glories will shine
Wonderful day, my Beloved One bringing
My Savior Jesus is mine

Living He loved me!
Dying He saved me!
Buried He carried my sins far away!
Rising He justified!
Freely forever!
One day He’s coming!
Oh glorious day!
Oh glorious day!
Glorious day!
Oh glorious day
"Glorious Day" by: Casting Crowns


God used my clever three year old Sam to speak to me the other day.  We were in the car, listening to this Casting Crowns song and when Sam heard the words "carried my sins" he said, "Mommy, this song is about you. I heard your name 'Carrie'!!!"  How true, how true... Thank you, God,  that this song is about me.  Thank you, God, that you did carry my sins far away.  Thank you, God, for reminding me through my own children about such a sweet message!

Whew!

Life has been a whirlwind the last couple of weeks with everything we've been through with Eli.  One of these days I'll put all my thoughts onto paper (or Microsoft Word!).  But for now, this is all I have time for. 
Carrie

www.caringbridge.org/visit/eliphillips

The Power of Prayer

Whew! This won't be a long post because it is midnight and I really NEED to sleep.  But I wanted to say that over the last week we have really seen the power of prayer. Little Eli ended up with a kidney tumor, most likely malignant.  He had surgery last Thursday to remove his kidney along with the tumor and will start chemo soon.  However during all of this it was amazing to see how many people offered to pray for our little boy.  My sister's teacher friends at her school, my dad's psychology class, my youngest sister's friends and my cousin's friends from college, friends and family in Alabama, Georgia, Florida, North Carolina, Tennessee, Louisiana, Mississippi, New Jersey, Uruguay, the Middle East and many more places offered to lift him up in prayer.  It was amazing how fast the news spread of a little 18 month old with cancer.  My dad received a letter from a church in Alabama that he had never heard of saying they were praying.  My sister's para pro was at her son's baseball game and some mothers from the other team heard her talking about Eli and said they would add him to their prayer list.  It was mind-blowing at how fast and how far news spread and how all of these strangers were praying for him. 

Well....it worked! He came through surgery fine and is recovering astonishingly fast!!  Now we need to continue praying that his little body will do well with chemotherapy in the next few months.

I smell Fall!

    
I can smell football, pumpkins, leaves, hikes, and everything else that goes along with Fall, or Autumn if you like.  It is slowly creeping up to the #1 spot on my list of favorite seasons.  Winter has been first for a while now.  Mostly because of Christmas but also because of our anniversary (Dec 30), sweaters, hot cocoa, snow, and other such winter things.  Now that I live in Georgia, Fall is moving up that list though.  It used to be #2 followed closely by Summer with Spring at the very very bottom.  I don't know what it is about Spring, probably allergies and those weird "wear a jacket in the morning, but shorts by noon" kind of days! I don't like fickle people, so I guess I don't like fickle seasons either. 
      My college roommate absolutely loved Spring and I think my husband has some fond feelings for it as well.  But I'm a jeans and sweater kind of gal.  I'm excited about the leaves changing, too!  Growing up in Florida we didn't see that much change in Fall.  It kind of stayed muggy and hot until mid December and BAM! ...Winter! haha  Plus all those pine trees in Northwest Florida look the same year round.  I have already told Sam that we will venture north to ride the Smoky Mountain Railway this year.  Hopefully we can get tickets to ride it when they transform it into the 'Polar Express', Sam's favorite movie!  I also plan on visiting some of those hiking trails from last year (see pic above) and maybe even some of those cute little mountain towns that look so pretty in Fall. 
     If you are one of 'those' people, like my Dad, that mourn the end of summer, please don't be offended by the rest of us roaming through Hobby Lobby excited about the Fall Decorations, or wandering through Target or Garden Ridge stocking up on cinnamon sticks and those cute little pumpkins!  Winter will come soon and the department stores will have those swimsuits up in no time....just be patient! ;)

First Day of School (not really)

    Well, this morning I dropped my precious little boys off at the Mom's Day out program at Eagles Landing First Baptist Church.  Technically this is their "First Day of School" even though it doesn't even count as a full day.  They will only go once a week on Wednesday from 9-12.   But I still had to take pics of them before we left the house (which I'm sure I'll post later!).  This leaves me with three hours of uninterrupted free time every week.  What on earth will I do with that time?  Because the church is roughly 25 minutes from my house, it doesn't make sense to go home and clean ;)  So, that means I can bring my laptop and sit at one of the fine establishments that offers free Wi-Fi.  This morning I chose to have a diet coke at McDonalds and although I am "supposed" to be doing  schoolwork, I've only managed to check my email, facebook and write a post for my blog.  Oh well, I have plenty of other Wednesdays to be productive.  
     This morning I played the same song over and over on the way to "school".  I'm not sure why it stuck with me but I'll share it with you as a thought for the day.  Just remember that God was there before your problem/trial/temptation/mistake and he'll be there to see you through it til the end.  Don't just lean on friends that can only help you in the moment...lean on HIM who can see it all and knows the outcome.

You are the first
You go before
You are the last
Lord, You're the encore
Your name's in lights for all to see
The starry host declare Your glory

Glory in the highest
Glory in the highest
Glory in the highest

Apart from You there is no god
Light of the world
The Bright and Morning Star
Your name will shine for all to see


You are the one
You are my glory
And no one else could ever compare
To You, Lord
All the earth together declares ...

Glory in the highest ... to You, Lord
All the earth will sing Your praise
The moon and stars, the sun and rain
Every nation will proclaim
That You are God and You will reign


Glory, glory hallelujah
Glory, glory to You, Lord
Glory, glory hallelujah
Hallelujah