I refuse to comment on the fact that it has been over a year without a post on this blog....
So, I'm guessing that now that I have something to say, I should post it! Here is what I wrote on FB this morning:
I have deleted my FB account once, MySpace account for good, and twitter twice and yet I still can’t decide what I want to do. How silly am I?
Some days I have serious debates whether to “fight or flight”. I see the arguing and name-calling in social media and want to run and hide (a.k.a. delete my FB account again and never return).
I read the news and it makes me so sad. I tell myself I would be better off if I just cut off all communication with the world and hide under my covers.
And then….in the middle of my uncertainty and fickleness…. I wake up one morning (specifically this morning) and read verses like Matthew 5 in “The Message” paraphrase that says,
“You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I'm putting you on a light stand. Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.”
What a kick in the head! I can’t hide under my covers and hope it will pass. These past few weeks, months, and years show that it is definitely not going to pass; it is only getting worse. “So what am I to do?” I ask. Seriously, I just asked that when I was given a perfectly clear answer in scripture this morning!
Hello...(Knocking on my skull)…. “God is not a secret to be kept….We’re going public….Shine!”
That sure doesn’t sound like I’ve been given the option to hide under the covers. I am definitely a conflicted individual right now. I do not LIKE confrontation, but I will stand up in situations where I HAVE to. So what constitutes a “HAVE to”? I have always known that I will beat the Hooey out of anyone (or die trying) that laid a hand on my children or my sisters. I’m kinda protective like that. But when someone lays a hand on my beliefs/opinions, I shy away. I don’t want to make myself a target. I don’t want to lose a relationship over something that may or may not be trivial. I don’t want to make a fool of myself or get in too deep and not be able to get out unscathed. One thing you will never see me do is join an argument that I am not confident I know all (or at least most of) the sides and facts. My biggest fear is looking/sounding like an idiot. Mind you, I’ve been there and I do not want to go back! My other fear is becoming a stumbling block to others. I ask, “Is this issue worth it?” Daily I struggle with what to do….do I comment on that post? Do I give my opinion? or is it just that…”my opinion” and not necessarily truth?
Some days I like the idea of everyone just living in tolerance….”let’s just let everyone decide for themselves and in the end we’ll just find out who is right, instead of arguing over it now. I’ll just live over here, in my own little house, hold on to my own little knowledge of truth and one day everyone will know the truth, too! And I didn’t have to lose any friends, make anyone upset, make myself a target for others to throw insults at, blah blah blah….”
And then I wake up and realize how dumb that sounds! That is not Truth! That is not what the followers of The Way did! They did not quietly stand by, nor hide under their covers, nor back away from opposition. Or at least not every day, I’m sure they had their moments.
Ack, there it is again….a slap to my brain!
It is so easy to casually throw around the name of God when it’s not conflict-ridden. “We’ll pray for God’s comfort during this time of crisis”, “God is good, we made it safely home from vacation”, “God is great, God is good, let us thank Him for our food. Amen”.
At what point do we step out of that comfort zone and into one where we may end up a target?
At what point do I lose that sense of security and put it out there for everyone to see?
What constitutes a “Who cares?” answer and what warrants further discussion?
And then I read what well-meaning “Christian folk” put out there and realize that their definition of being a “city on a hill” and “light to the world” doesn’t match my understanding of it. I just can’t comprehend how being disrespectful, catty, filthy-mouthed, ugly, discourteous and belligerent will accomplish anything.
There is truth out there to be found, the one and only Truth. We are to point others to it. But the confusion lies in the fact that those that are of this world, will have no comprehension of the truth. Without Christ, it will make no sense to them. We have a responsibility to not only point them to the truth with our own actions, words and lives but to also pray for them as they reach that Truth through Jesus and in the process also realize that until they reach that Truth to them we will sound crazy!
My ultimate question is what is that supposed to look like in 2012? Here I am posting for everyone to see (and probably comment on) my personal struggle. Will it encourage someone? Will it infuriate someone? Who knows? Well….God knows!
I haven’t finished my internal warfare yet, and I’m sure that will be a battle by battle crusade until it is completely finished the day I leave this earth. But I did feel the need to write this all down. Maybe for posterity sake, maybe to look at later and laugh, maybe it was something you needed today….
I did find one thought to leave you with, though. The last kick in my head for this morning….
2 Timothy 4
1-2 I can't impress this on you too strongly. God is looking over your shoulder. Christ himself is the Judge, with the final say on everyone, living and dead. He is about to break into the open with his rule, so proclaim the Message with intensity; keep on your watch. Challenge, warn, and urge your people. Don't ever quit. Just keep it simple.
3-5 You're going to find that there will be times when people will have no stomach for solid teaching, but will fill up on spiritual junk food—catchy opinions that tickle their fancy. They'll turn their backs on truth and chase mirages. But you—keep your eye on what you're doing; accept the hard times along with the good; keep the Message alive; do a thorough job as God's servant.
